As I was going home last Friday night, I noticed a woman wearing a black burkha (you know that head garment that basically covers the whole head and has only a slit for the eyes) sitting in the innermost part of the jeepney. Because she was dressed in dark colors, it was easy to miss her but once you'd seen her, it was impossible to ignore her. At first I was curious so I watched her. And because she was covered from head to toe save for her eyes and hands, there was that sense of watching something that could not watch back.
And then I got paranoid.
Thoughts flashed: She could be a holdupper pretending to be a Muslim so she could cover her face!
I watched even more.
The two women across from me were talking. One said, "Teka kinakabahan ako. Parang gusto ko na bumaba. (Wait, this is making me nervous. I think I want to get off.)" Friend replied, "Tara, baba na tayo. (Let's get off here.)"
Now that's mean, I thought.
I watched the woman some more. That's a pretty big bag. Wait, where's her hand? What's inside her bag? What if her hand's inside her bag, fingering a gun that she would point at us at just precisely the right time? What if she's a suicide bomber? What if she's not even a she?
Know that I am paranoid by nature. Compound that with the fact that everyday I read about attempted terrorist attacks, real or imagined. Really, it's like breakfast: a bus exploded in Shanghai. Pfft. A woman was reportedly caught with inflammable liquid onboard a flight going to Beijing. Um, is it time for lunch now?
Still I fought the urge to get off the jeepney. I was not going to discriminate against people of a different faith. I was not going to be mean to this innocent woman who did nothing wrong to me nor to anyone I know. I was not going to be one of those ignorant... wa-wait, I was not going to be in the headlines the next day!
Just make your hands visible, lady. Please. There, there. One, two. Two hands in sight. Ok, maybe five more minutes before my stop. Eyes on the hands...
Yes. Yes, I know. I am very, very ashamed of myself. I should not be thinking these thoughts.
I tried not to breathe an audible sigh of relief when we got to my stop. I got off the jeepney then walked fast. Away before it could explode.
Of course it did not explode and I berated myself even more.
And then she was there with me again on the jeepney last night. I was sitting beside the driver. I turned around and there she was right behind the driver.
The fact that nothing terroristic happened the last time should have been enough reassurance that nothing would happen again this time. But I could see her dark presence out of the corner of my left eye. And I couldn't keep watch of the hands this time.
And so I am here confirming that no jeepney was bombed last night.
And I am very, very, very ashamed of myself. Please forgive me.
 | A natural reaction......
In this times of suicide bombers, all along muslims ..becames a strange thing...
Don't worry,
And, mainly, don't need to be ashamed
:-) |
 | the thing is, joni, a terrorist on a mission would NOT want to stand out.
(okay, did that just freak you about the rest of the faceless crowd? LOL)
be safe nonetheless. |
 | haha! baliw ka talaga nuni! |
 | hey that does happen. just an eerie feeling that something bad will happen. better safe than sorry though =) |
 | No, it's really just paranoia. And it's bad! It's stupid! It's discriminatory! I hate myself now. |
 | joni, kakatawa ka. hyperactive ang imagination. |
 | Pardon my late response. I'm way behind on blog reading.
If I had been in your shoes, I'd have done the same thing. It's sad, but true. A very small group of powerful people (Muslim Terrorists) have done what they set out to do - terrorize.
And therefore, many of us (sometimes irrationally) become afraid of any "suspicious" looking Muslim.
This is not unlike similar fears in my country when walking outside at night and a "suspicious" looking black person passes by. I personally don't have this fear - having spent a lot of time around black folks - but many who have not, often do (my Mother for example).
I feel these fears are due to 1) whites lack of exposure to blacks - ignorance - and 2) the disproportionately high (per capita) rate of crimes committed by blacks.
What it comes down to is, as much as we don't want to admit it, even the most open-minded of people (such as myself) do hold some prejudice of one kind or other.
I understand your feelings of guilt, but as I stated earlier, I'd have had the same reaction.
The majority of people of this world (be they, black, Muslim or what have you) are ordinary decent people. Unfortunately a minority are not and that minority draws a lot of attention to itself. The result? Prejudice.
As much as I (liberal, open-minded person that I am) hate to admit it, I hold a few prejudices myself. I'm pretty sure everyone does to some extent.
It's a fact of life. |
| as kate monster and princeton sings, everyone's a little bit racist sometimes. |
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